BiteLabs Wants You to Taste Your Favourite Celebrity

The absurdity of the situation is almost incomprehensible: BiteLabs, a self-proclaimed sustainable and healthy startup, is trying to raise support to create “luxury” salami out of celebrity meat. Yes, you read that right, CELEBRITY MEAT.

Says BiteLabs:

We start with top-quality ingredients, and time-honored recipes for the creation of fine cured meats. We mix celebrity and animal meats, grown in house through a proprietary culturing process, into curated salami blends. Starting with biopsied myoblast cells, we grow our healthy, rich, meats in Bite Labs’ own bioreactors.

According to BiteLabs, celebrity salami “eliminates the environmental and ethical concerns associated with traditional livestock production.” How silly of us, not realizing that cannibalism was the ethical solution all along! Vegetarians rejoice, you can now experience meat without the ethical concerns – so long as you’re okay with a little Jennifer Lawrence or James Franco on your charcuterie board.


While BiteLabs isn’t actually proposing to cut flesh off celebrities and form it into salami, it is still proposing the growth of human meat intended for human consumption. Last I checked the definition of cannibalism remains the same – one species eating the meat of its own kind.

It is unclear whether BiteLabs is true psychotic bioengineering or elaborate satire. I for one suspect this is a very well-made creative media project by some twisted student at an arts college, but in this age it seems like anything goes if enough people support it. And sure enough, if you take a look at the search results for #EatCelebrityMeat on Twitter, you can see for yourself the volume of attention this has received. As yet, no celebrity has responded to the aggressive “will you be meat?” campaign, possibly out of fear that it is more fact than fiction.

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